Can you say yummy? And gimmesomadat? What's a girl got to do to get a guy like this? Tomorrow IS my birthday, can I have him for my present? Dang, those light eyes and dark hair will get me everytime.
I've never had a best friend. Or maybe I should rephrase that. I've never had what I consider a best friend. Someone who is there for you no matter what. Someone who always sticks up for you. Someone who stands by your side when you are scared or sad. Someone who you connect with on every level. Someone who accepts you in spite of your flaws. Someone who knows you so well that they know what you are going to do before you do it. Someone you can sit with and not speak and still feel totally comfortable. Someone who knows when to give you space, but also knows when to give you shit. Someone you know you can rely on no matter what. Someone who won't abandon you once they get hitched.
I was talking to some guy online today that I barely know. We got into this converstation about dating and meeting people and feeling lonely. I started talking about how I don't really have a problem with guys liking me, but I have a problem liking them. Then somehow the subject went from dating to how I just really wish I had a best friend to hang out with. I told him that I've always felt that void because every friend I've ever had has let me down in a big way. A big enough way that I never felt the same about them. Girlfriends like to stab other girlfriends in the back, this is a fact of life and something I've learned to be so true. The problem is I know there are girls out there that aren't like that. I'm not like that. I've never stabbed someone in the back. And I know I have my faults, lots of them. But I'm very loyal and that is one quality that I wish everyone had. I'm the type of friend that will be there no matter what. But it seems like the only friends I've ever had are fair-weather friends. I don't have problems with guys. I don't date jerks or losers, I know I could meet someone if I actually put a little effort into it. But I figured out today that's not the problem anyway. Maybe everyone feels this way, but they just think that having a relationship will fix it. But I know that it won't. I mean, I know someday I'd like to meet a great guy who ultimately will be my best friend and partner in crime. But why can't I have a best friend who isn't a potential love interest? I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as a best friend, just like people wonder if there is such a thing as "the one."
And that brings up another point. Why do people rely on someone else to make them happy? I know that being in love is great and adds a lot of happiness to your life. I've been there. But I also know that if you are miserable and unhappy, it is most likely something inside yourself. If you continually rely on other people to bring you happiness, you will continually be disappointed. Happiness is a choice, as I've said many times and firmly believe. This is why I can not stand being around people who are miserable because they are single or because nobody loves them. Gag me! How can you derive your worth as a human being by whether or not someone wants to get hitched to you? This is why I feel that friendships are so important. Love interests come and go. Hell, these days marriages come and go. But true friends will always be there. And least my definition of a true friend will always be there. Maybe my expectations for a true friend are too high. I honestly feel that I'm a good friend, but I don't feel like I have that one best friend and I never have. And that makes me wonder if maybe I'm not such a good friend after all. Because if I was a good friend, wouldn't I have a best friend? But then again, I'm a great catch and I don't doubt that simply because I don't have a significant other.
The older I get, the more I realize just how true so many of life's cliche's really are. In particular, life really is what you make it. Because if you sit around and just let life happen to you, you will be miserable. You only get what you put in. And unfortunately, you sometimes get less than what you put in. Very rarely do we get more than we put in. Then again, if you truly are a good-hearted person, you won't expect anything in return, right? Life just isn't fair.
I just realized how hard it really is for me to lie. I can't even lie about a kid being cute. You know people want you to say how cute their kids are when they show you a picture. I was practically stumbling for something to say. It was like in a movie when everything gets real quiet and everyone is waiting for you to say something and the more you think about it the more your mind goes blank. Finally I made some comment about how kids are so sweet and innocent. I really hope she bought it. Damn you, honesty.
I actually love Christina Aguilera's new song Beautiful. It's empowering. Who'd a thunk it?
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