Is happy AND single really such a hard concept to grasp? 02.09.2003

Why can't I find a friend who is single, not dating anyone and not constantly searching for someone? I actually like being single, but I seem to be the only one in this hemisphere that does. Of course I check out guys whenever I'm out, but I'm not constantly thinking about why I'm not dating someone or how my life would be better if I only had a man. Whenever any of my friends have been single (which is rare, because they tend to go directly from one man to the next), they are a bore to be around. They're always complaining about not having a man or missing that feeling of lust/love. But then, here's the stupid part, when they do have a boyfriend all they do is complain about what assholes their men are. No wonder we women have a reputation for complaining all the damn time. I'm not saying love is not worthy of all this comotion. I think wanting to give and get love is a fundemental human need. I think without love, any kind of love not just romantic love, a person's life is very sad and lonely. I guess I've been lucky because I have a family that loves me and shows it. And I've been in love, I know how wonderful it can feel at times. I also understand the desire to have a lifelong companion. I do want that. Someday. What I am saying, however, is that my life does not revolve around dating. That is what bothers me. When someone can not be happy or feel good about themselves unless they are dating someone. I hate seeing my friends waste their time, energy and love on people that they know damn well they are not going to spend the rest of their lives with. Why is it, that so many people would rather settle for some half-ass excuse for a partner to fill in their holidays and weekends than wait patiently, and singlely, for the right one? Why not enjoy getting to know yourself and finding what really makes you happy in life? OTHER THAN being with someone else. Why not spend your weekends pampering yourself rather than being depressed because your boyfriend is out with his friends instead of at home pampering you? Why not take a road trip to see a long distance friend rather than driving around town running errands for your boyfriend? Why not get involved in that art class/softball league/book club that you've always wanted to by yourself rather than going to watch your boyfriend play in his weekend pool league? I'm just saying that I enjoy being by myself. I enjoy doing what makes me happy rather than relying on someone else to do it for me. I don't feel depressed or angry about the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. Yes, I want to fall in love again someday. Yes, I enjoy having a boyfriend. But not just any guy. Not just the first guy who shows the slightest bit of interest in me. And in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy what I've got. It sounds so simple, yet it's a foreign language to everyone I know. I just have a hard time believing that I'm the only person who actually enjoys being single. I keep hoping there are others like that out there, but I can't find them for the life of me. I wish I knew where to go to find other happy single people. I'm getting so desperate for a friend who's happy and single, I'm about to put a damn ad in the paper. But I don't know how to word it without it sounding like a lesbian ad. Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians, but I'm not looking for someone to date. That is my whole point. This entry inspired my Single-Happy Diaryring. It's been 25 days since my last cigarette.

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