| I hate the world today. I really do. I don't want to be a hateful person, I don't want this anger to eat me up inside so much so that I can't find any type of pleasure in this world what so ever. But I'm so scared that it is happening. And I don't know how to fight it.
I'm so sick of people's shit. Remember that little invite effort I made the other day at work? Yeah, well now I remember why I stopped making that fucking effort. Because 9 times out of 10 people will let you down. I'm sick to fucking death of inviting people to do shit, because the majority of the time they either say no or they say yes and then punk out at the last fucking minute. I hate people. I know, so very Christian like of me.
I'm fucking sick of bitches not being able to lift their goddamn pinkie finger without checking with their fucked up man first. You know what, fuck all of you bitches. Why don't you just permanently insert your tongue into your man's anus, because that's where it ends up most of the time anyway. I swear from now on, instead of actually listening and trying to be compassionate the next time one of my friends' man fucks around on her or beats her face in, I'm not going to sit and listen to the shit. I'm going to say, "Don't expect be to feel sorry for you when you put up with the shit! I'm tired of hearing you repeatedly letting yourself be a victim! Fuck off bitch!"
I've also decided (for like the 10th time) that I'm sick of my fucking cousin who I haven't gone out with in almost a year because every fucking time I invite her to do something, she disses me for her man. Jesus, do you fuckers have to be together everyday? And she's never once invited me to do anything. Well, fuck you too. I'm tired of trying. Actions speak louder than words and I'm an idiot for not hearing you tell me that I don't mean shit to you anymore.
Sometimes I think bitches just use their man as an excuse to not have to be sociable. When I hear a bitch say, "Maybe, let me check with my man first and then I'll let you know," I know damn well she's punking out on me. And you know I fucking hate liars. If you don't want to be sociable and would rather stay at home while your man goes out with his friends getting high and going to strip clubs, be my guest. Just don't fucking lie and say you need to check with your man first. Besides, a real man doesn't need you to ask his permission first before you do anything. I swear all my friends are still living in fucking nineteenth century when women were considered property.
The fucked up part of it all, is these same women who treat their friends like pieces of shit that they only need for convenience, are the same bitches who would and will run crying to their friends when their man leaves them. I fucking hate users, and fucking hate fair-weathered friends. God, I'm so sick of this shit!
It would be one thing if my lack of compassion just came natural and I was a natural born heartless bitch. But unfortunately that's not the case. I have compassion for the fucked up shit that goes on in this world. The unjustice makes me crazy sometimes. No, see, my lack of compassion comes from the lack of compassion that I view in others on a daily basis. Mother fuckers don't give a shit about anyone else but themselves. And I think, then why the fuck should I? Having a heart really takes it out of you, I know that much. I sometimes wish my heart would shrivel up and die. But no, why should I have the convenience of being a cold hearted slime ball?
I wonder if I've just totally lost all ability to cope with life's little let downs or if I truly have been getting fucked over all my life.
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