| I hate morning breath. What's up with that? Why do I have to wake up every damn morning and my mouth smells like a dog took a dump in my mouth overnight and it just sat there and fermented all night? I actually gag myself some mornings. If I could suck on mints in my sleep, I would. Hey, maybe I'll start chewing sugarless gum when I go to sleep. I've done it before on accident and it's always still there in my mouth when I wake up and my breath is minty fresh. Well, maybe not minty fresh, but at least it doesn't smell like rotting ass. Aren't there foods you can eat to promote good breath? I must possess this information at once. Other than having ass breath, not much has been up with me lately. Actually not much I want to talk about. But since I'm here, I might as well give the short version. I went to do that training in Kansas City last week. It went really well and I talked myself out of being so nervous. At least my voice wasn't all shaky like it usually gets when I'm nervous. So I wasn't a huge nerd. Oh and I smoked a whole pack of Marlboro lights in one night at the bar. But don�t worry kids, I wasn�t inhaling. My friend even made fun of me for it! I got back on the wagon Saturday, so it�s all good. I really love how I don't crave cigarettes anymore, I feel I've gotten over the hump. That horrible hump where every nano-second is like torture just thinking about those beautiful toxins caressing my lungs. I've gotten to a place now where I still love and miss smoking, but the enjoyment of being a non-smoker is so much greater and rewarding. I'm so glad I quit. So then, I found out some really strange information on Monday. Talking to a fellow employee, turns out one of the trainees that I trained mentioned in so many words that I was basically a fat cow. How nice of him, not to mention professional. It basically dragged my self-esteem through the gutter for a day. And now I totally regret being my usual lovable self towards him. Had I only known what he was really thinking about me. What a cocksucker! But, I'm ready for revenge. Don't worry, boys and girls, I'll make sure asstard regrets being such an immature schlep someday. He just did not realize who he was messing with. I have special powers, you see, special powers indeed. Let's see, what else? Oh yes, my annual raise sucked major balls. I'm pretty pissed because I know for a fact that I make less than all the people in my same field. Even though I have the same experience and more than some, and I have recognized accreditation through the company. But what the fuck does that matter, right? I don't know, I don't want to sound like an ungrateful hag, but I think I deserve to at least be equal to my equals. Plus, it would nice to not have to struggle every fucking month to buy diapers. I found out I might be going to San Francisco in a couple months for work. It would be for about four days. This would be pretty exciting for me. See, I've never been west of Denver, Colorado and I've never seen the ocean. Isn't San Fran on the ocean? Everything else is just peachy and I'm looking so forward to this Kansas Blog meetup, that I honestly think I might burst. And I know you are all jealous because you don't live here. Admit it! You will totally miss out on seeing all of us sexy babes guzzling beer and burping all night. It's like a dream come true!
Gratuitous link of the week: The Best Damn Web Page in the Universe. I want to marry this man. I discovered Mr. Maddox some time ago, but for some reason I kept forgetting about him and kept forgetting to bookmark his page. I ran across him again today and have rediscovered my love for him. His general contempt for humanity and admiration of hisself is truly awe inspiring. He is... my hero. Now go visit his page right this second or die. Holy shit! Can't. Stop. Laughing. Go HERE!
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