2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn�t lie to you.

4. It is important that a man is good in bed and loves making love to you.

5. It is important that these four men don�t know each other.

Hilarious. And I especially thought YOU'D enjoy this. *wink*

Anyway, now that I have two nieces, I've slowly been learning the art of how to get kids to love you the best. My own kid I'm not worried about, I'm his mother, he has to love me the best. It's like the law or something. So last night I had an epiphany! Since I'm not responsible for other people's kids 24-7 like I am with my own, I can spoil them! Yes, isn't that genius?

All I have to do is give them toys and candy and pop and they friggin love me! I just can't believe I never thought of this before. I guess I was thinking the whole, "discipline them and they will respect you, therefore love you" thing would work. WRONG-O! Kids love people who give them want they want. They are like savage animals with only the most basic of human instincts. It's all about instant gratification. It's so simple, yet so brilliant.

So last night I was the winner at my nieces birthday party. That's right, whoever gets the kid the gift that they love and play with the most is the winner. Everyone else got her dresses, which she loves. But, I got her a two-foot tall grown up doll named Tiffany. Tiffany has long blonde hair (just like my niece) and came with a working microphone and amplifier. Tiffany is a singer, see. My niece held Tiffany all night. It was so awesome. And to think, last year I got her clothes. Haha, how dumb! Never again, my friends, never again.

Do you believe that what goes around, comes around?

Why is it that we are to believe that if we do something bad, something bad will happen to us? YET, if we do something good, we are not to expect anything in return. Why the double standard? And is it all just a bunch of hogwash? It is just the luck of the draw, so to speak?

It fucking takes money to have a life, damn it. The people that run this country, and most of the world for that matter, make it that way too. It's all about the money. Because if it's all about the money, then the people with the most of it will always stay on top. And the people at the bottom will have to make their lives revolve around money in order to have a life, therefore making the rich richer. I think I'm on to something here.

Yeah, I'd love to go out all the time, go on trips, actually do shit that involves leaving my house. But that means I'd have to actually make enough money to pay all my bills AND have some extra left over to buy stuff like gasoline to get me places where I have to spend more money to buy tickets and food and passes and whatever the fuck else. And I guess I'm supposed to see people who have that money and spend it on anything and everything they could possibly ever want and I'm supposed to be jealous. Then I'm supposed to let that jealously drive me to become a rich, successful CEO or some shit and then be able to laugh in the face of financial adversity because I'm one of the rich and powerful.

Oh god, it's an evil cycle. And the last thing I want is to get caught up in it. I want to be a hippie living off of my peace of mind and the love that surrounds me. I want to live minimalistically. I don't want to WANT shit all the fucking time. I'm tired of wanting and wanting and wanting. When everything I could ever NEED is right in front of my face. The love of my family, a perfect, beautiful son, a nice home, a functioning brains and body, and endless opportunities.

I wonder if any of this makes sense.

On a totally different note, I love Adam Sandler. I saw Punch Drunk Love this weekend and I absolutely loved it. Adam Sandler is actually talented and he's just adorable. Oh and if you guess what movie this line is from, I'll. . . do something for you, "The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever." I laughed for days from that line.